Scientific Romance: tim_pratt

Scientific Romance

Here's the poem I wrote my wife for Valentine's day:

Scientific Romance

If starship travel from our
Earth to some far
star and back again
at velocities approaching the speed
of light made you younger than me
due to the relativistic effects
of time dilation,
I'd show up on your doorstep hoping
you'd developed a thing for older men,
and I'd ask you to show me everything you
learned to pass the time
out there in the endless void
of night.

If we were the sole survivors
of a zombie apocalypse
and you were bitten and transformed
into a walking corpse
I wouldn't even pick up my
assault shotgun,
I'd just let you take a bite
out of me, because I'd rather be
undead forever
with you
than alive alone
without you.

If I had a time machine, I'd go back
to the days of your youth
to see how you became the someone
I love so much today, and then
I'd return to the moment we first met
just so I could see my own face
when I saw your face
for the first time,
and okay,
I'd probably travel to the time
when we were a young couple
and try to get a three-way
going. I never understood
why more time travelers don't do
that sort of thing.

If the alien invaders come
and hover in stern judgment
over our cities, trying to decide
whether to invite us to the Galactic
Federation of Confederated
Galaxies or if instead
a little genocide is called for,
I think our love could be a powerful
argument for the continued preservation
of humanity in general, or at least,
of you and me
in particular.

If we were captives together
in an alien zoo, I'd try to make
the best of it, cultivate a streak
of xeno-exhibitionism,
waggle my eyebrows, and make jokes
about breeding in captivity.

If I became lost in
the multiverse, exploring
infinite parallel dimensions, my
only criterion for settling
down somewhere would be
whether or not I could find you:
and once I did, I'd stay there even
if it was a world ruled by giant spider-
priests, or one where killer
robots won the Civil War, or even
a world where sandwiches
were never invented, because
you'd make it the best
of all possible worlds anyway,
and plus
we could get rich
off inventing sandwiches.

If the Singularity comes
and we upload our minds into a vast
computer simulation of near-infinite
complexity and perfect resolution,
and become capable of experiencing any
fantasy, exploring worlds bound only
by our enhanced imaginations,
I'd still spend at least 10²¹ processing
cycles a month just sitting
on a virtual couch with you,
watching virtual TV,
eating virtual fajitas,
holding virtual hands,
and wishing
for the real thing.

sbisson

February 14 2010, 18:55:53 UTC 11 years ago

New comment

Thank you for sharing!

ccfinlay

February 14 2010, 19:01:14 UTC 11 years ago

That's HOT.

Heather's a lucky woman. Happy Valentine's Day to the two of you.

tim_pratt

February 14 2010, 21:27:42 UTC 11 years ago

Thanks! And a happy V-Day to you and Rae!

feyrieprincess

February 14 2010, 19:28:59 UTC 11 years ago

*raises hand to volunteer for third party in young couple stanza...

February 14 2010, 21:26:10 UTC 11 years ago

Well, the third party would be future-me, but there's always room for one more!

11 years ago

Deleted comment

February 14 2010, 21:27:15 UTC 11 years ago

Aw, thanks! (I've been writing since I was 8, and writing really seriously since I was 16, so it took me a while to get however good I am.)

rambleflower

February 14 2010, 22:37:29 UTC 11 years ago

Thank you again, darling. It's so wonderful, funny, and... well, it's so you, so us. I love you.

Anonymous

February 15 2010, 00:22:22 UTC 11 years ago

Very beautiful!

johnlevitt

February 15 2010, 00:28:29 UTC 11 years ago

Tres cool, Tim. See, there are some perks to being a writer.

marypcb

February 15 2010, 01:02:01 UTC 11 years ago

awwwwwww
and ROFL

in fact this is made almost equally of awwww and ROFL

Hungarian translation

June 24 2010, 14:27:14 UTC 10 years ago

Dear Mr, Pratt,

I really liked this poem so I translated into Hungarian. Here you can find it (I hope you won't mind it):

http://metanblog.blog.hu/2010/06/24/tim_pratt_tudomanyos_romanc_forditas

Yours sincerelly,

besucher
besucher@citromail.hu

raistlinbrown

April 11 2012, 01:36:10 UTC 9 years ago

This is wonderful.

rafqa

July 22 2012, 20:39:21 UTC 8 years ago

I came through the Rudy Rucker link on Twitter. Awesome.

alittlebriton

August 1 2012, 10:47:49 UTC 8 years ago

Hi Tim,

Would it be possible for me and my fiance to use this as a reading at our wedding next year? We're big SFF fans and this is pretty much perfect. Plus, who can resist a wedding ceremony that contains the phrase 'three-way'?!

Lx

August 1 2012, 14:54:13 UTC 8 years ago

Of course! You have my blessing. :) Congratulations on the wedding.

InquisitorGoody

October 7 2012, 10:10:57 UTC 8 years ago

My friends had this as a reading at their wedding yesterday. It was amazing :-)

kikoshi

October 20 2012, 14:38:26 UTC 8 years ago

I stumbled upon this today and like the person posting before me it would be perfect as a reading for our upcoming wedding. Would it be ok to use? I promise we will take good care of it.