tim_pratt (tim_pratt) wrote,

Scientific Romance

Here's the poem I wrote my wife for Valentine's day:

Scientific Romance

If starship travel from our
Earth to some far
star and back again
at velocities approaching the speed
of light made you younger than me
due to the relativistic effects
of time dilation,
I'd show up on your doorstep hoping
you'd developed a thing for older men,
and I'd ask you to show me everything you
learned to pass the time
out there in the endless void
of night.

If we were the sole survivors
of a zombie apocalypse
and you were bitten and transformed
into a walking corpse
I wouldn't even pick up my
assault shotgun,
I'd just let you take a bite
out of me, because I'd rather be
undead forever
with you
than alive alone
without you.

If I had a time machine, I'd go back
to the days of your youth
to see how you became the someone
I love so much today, and then
I'd return to the moment we first met
just so I could see my own face
when I saw your face
for the first time,
and okay,
I'd probably travel to the time
when we were a young couple
and try to get a three-way
going. I never understood
why more time travelers don't do
that sort of thing.

If the alien invaders come
and hover in stern judgment
over our cities, trying to decide
whether to invite us to the Galactic
Federation of Confederated
Galaxies or if instead
a little genocide is called for,
I think our love could be a powerful
argument for the continued preservation
of humanity in general, or at least,
of you and me
in particular.

If we were captives together
in an alien zoo, I'd try to make
the best of it, cultivate a streak
of xeno-exhibitionism,
waggle my eyebrows, and make jokes
about breeding in captivity.

If I became lost in
the multiverse, exploring
infinite parallel dimensions, my
only criterion for settling
down somewhere would be
whether or not I could find you:
and once I did, I'd stay there even
if it was a world ruled by giant spider-
priests, or one where killer
robots won the Civil War, or even
a world where sandwiches
were never invented, because
you'd make it the best
of all possible worlds anyway,
and plus
we could get rich
off inventing sandwiches.

If the Singularity comes
and we upload our minds into a vast
computer simulation of near-infinite
complexity and perfect resolution,
and become capable of experiencing any
fantasy, exploring worlds bound only
by our enhanced imaginations,
I'd still spend at least 1021 processing
cycles a month just sitting
on a virtual couch with you,
watching virtual TV,
eating virtual fajitas,
holding virtual hands,
and wishing
for the real thing.
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Well, obviously not the first and I won't be the last!
I'm getting married in April so I hope you don't mind it being used as a reading at another wedding. Perhaps Australia will be a new location though!
It must be a proud moment when people getting mnarried are sharing your words with everyone they love most!
I haven't heard about one in Australia before! Congratulations, and I'm sure the wedding will be beautiful.
One more new location for you -- my fiancee and I would love to use this as a reading in New Zealand in October! <3
Of course! Please do. And congratulations.


6 years ago

A friend of mine directed me here and I absolutely love this! I got all choked up reading it. May I have this read at my wedding later this month? (11/23/13)
Of course! I love it when people read this at weddings. Congratulations on the impending nuptials!
I'm late for the party but I wanted to let you know how gorgeous and fun this poem is!
I haven't logged into LiveJournal for about 7 years, but I wanted to let you know that I'd like to use this piece for my wedding next month- it describes how I feel about my fiance so well. Well... I need to switch the genders around, but close enough. :)

I'm a big fan of your writing - thank you for such an incredibly funny and moving poem.
Yay! I love it when people use this at weddings. Congratulations on the impending nuptials!
We would also love to use this poem as a reading at our wedding in San Francisco next month. Thank you for writing and sharing such a lovely, interesting, and funny piece. We will give you full credit! Hope you don't mind as you haven't in the past. Besides, we love the fact that you are a "local artist" for us here in San Francisco!
Of course, I'm delighted! Congratulations on the impending marriage!
Heard this at a wedding in Iowa this weekend. Awesome.
Hi! I just found this and think it's absolutely wonderful. I am def. not the first to ask, but could my fiancee and I use this in some way for our wedding in Michigan this August?
Of course, feel free! I love it when this gets used in weddings.
This poem is brilliant! I'm getting married in October and it's perfect for our reading, as maths and science teachers (and sci-fi fans!) Hope it's ok to use... Love the humour, thank you for sharing it 😊
Sure! Always happy to hear about someone using it in their wedding, and congratulations on the impending nuptials!
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